Okay, so technically there is a Mother’s Group on this island and technically I have studiously avoided it. There are several reasons for this, most of them petty, and one legit.
Initially I was very excited at the prospect of joining. There’s no twinnies in the group, of course, because mine are THE ONLY TWINS ON THE ISLAND. Not that it bothers me Actually, if I’m going full disclosure I do have to say that I have heard rumors about other twins on the island. Most people I meet who come over to coo at the girls tell me they know someone who knows someone who has twins. Initially I fell for this, but I now I believe I’ve been on the island long enough that I’m actually hearing rumors about myself.
Anyway, back to the mother’s group. I first learned of the group when I was flying with 5wk old Lulu to the fancy island to have her preemie eyes checked. Eyes were fine, and we met a nice lady on the plane with a baby about the same age but about 3 times the size. She was flying with her Mum and they all seemed nice and normal and told me about the Moms group. Apparently she was too nice and normal for this island, and she moved to Florida soon after, but before she left she put me on the group email list. I had every intention of joining the group when my girls were a bit older. At that point it was a never ending nursefest and they were itty bitty and the docs advised us to limit their contact with the outside world until their bodies, lungs, immune systems, etc had more of a chance to develop.
In the midst of their growing I read the weekly Mothers Group emails and decided this group was not my bag. I’m not a snob, or picky. It’s not like it was one little thing, it was a whole bunch of little weird things that individually (with one huge exception) I’m cool with, but combined formed a perfect storm of freakiness. Here are the reasons, in random order:
1) Yurts. There was a whole lot of meeting in yurts going on. I’m not saying I’m anti-yurt, though they do bring to mind dancing bears and reefer, and I was kind of over that by 22. Er, 25, no later. But the yurts alone weren’t a deal-breaker.
2) Off the Grid. The yurts were in the wily-wags, well off the grid. Not saying I’m anti off the grid. Hell, I tried it myself. Not a yurt, mind, but Jungledad and I lived in a solar house with catchment water in the middle of the jungle in a highly active lava zone for a month and a half. The solar power rarely worked and the place was over-run with lizards and our satellite was struck by lightning and the catchment tank exploded, sending a tidal wave of 10,000 gallons down the front lawn and us fleeing soon after, so not an experiment I would repeat, but again, not a deal-breaker in itself.
The problem is its murder to get to these places. It requires 4wd and an iron stomach to navigate those jungle craters/potholes. One turn and you can disappear into the jungle and be eaten by wild pigs, that is if you haven’t already been eaten by what I like to call the 3 dogs of the apocalypse : pit bulls, dobermans, and rottweilers, all of which feature prominently and without the hindrance of pesky leases or chains in rural areas around here.
3. Vaccinations Ding ding ding! This is a deal-breaker. Beware, I am laying down all kinds of smack here. I am anti non-vaccinating parents. I think parents that don’t vaccinate their kids are a menace to society. They are worse than the 3 dogs of the Apocalypse in my book because they kill a lot more babies. Literally tens of thousands of babies die in the world each year from catching completely preventable diseases from children and adults not vaccinated. In many places in the world, vaccinations are not readily available, so we are all damn lucky to live where they are easy to get. Anyway, so I know for a fact that there are Moms in this group that do not vaccinate, and I have babies, so I’m not cool with it. For more of my smack talking on vaccinations, see What Happens. I’ll stop the ranting now.
I have more reasons, but after the vaccinations thing they seem really petty so I won’t even list them. Anyway, all my avoidance has been for naught, because that group has now infiltrated the Moms Group I co-founded, Mommy Movie Night, were we meet up once a week or 2 weeks and have a beer and see a movie. This week, Mommy Movie Night was over-run.
I figured this was my chance. I could give those Moms a fair shake and they would be cool and hilarious and prove me wrong. One of said Moms sat next to me and I struck up a conversation, the usual stuff: boy or girl, how old, what part of the island do you live on, where did you move here from, etc. It was all going fine: young daughter, in town, Midwest. Then I made the fatal mistake of asking her what brought her to the island, thinking (hoping) she would say work. Stupid me. Instead she said,
“Are you familiar with Astro-Geography?”
Oh boy. As the wife of an Astrophysicist who is not amused when mistaken for an Astrologer, which he considers a pseudo-profession for charlatans and wackos, I knew what followed was going to be highly suspect.
Was. It. Ever.
I tuned a lot of what she said out because it was too damn crazy and I can never really follow when people start talking about “energies.” I think the gist was that she had consulted this….”professional,” if you will, to find out where on the planet she and her daughter should live. The answer apparently was the Midwest, and she and her child “felt okay” there, but unfortunately the energy of her partner didn’t jibe with the Midwest so they all went back to the Astrogeographer, who told them to move to this island.
And I’ll just bet she doesn’t vaccinate… Can’t wait to find out who I’ll meet next Mommy Movie Night!