Junglemom escaped the jungle! About frikin time, yo. I’ve been having daily meltdowns over the monsoon rains and needed relief in the form of a long weekend, or “mini-break” on the warm sunny dry beachy side of the island. As Bridget Jones would say, “A mini-break means true love!”
But is a mini-break possible with 1yr old twinnies?
Turns out yes! It was marvelous. Admittedly, everything that could have possibly gone wrong on the drive over did go wrong, but you know- I think that only made us enjoy the trip more when we got there. What’s up with my new Zen? Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t account for it. But I DIG it.
So it was a last minute dealio. Hotwire.com-ed at night, hit the road in the morning after a bit of last minute, somewhat traumatic, packing. Zoomin’ along the big terrifying motorway that cuts through lava fields, deserts, volcanoes, prairies, and ranches to the sandy beaches on the other side. Got about an hour down the road, almost to the desert, when the car starts making terrible sounds and smells. Oh, S$%#! Mother F$#&%*. Not happy. The gnomes were reeking havoc once again. Manage to pull over and the cops show up. By this time the SUV is completely dead. This marks the 2nd time in a year and a half I have seen a cop car on this island. There are cops on the island, but they spend most of their time on helicopters scanning for fields of the wacky tabaccy. The first time I saw one (a cop that is) was when we were in a 3 car pile up- while I was prego. Not even opening that can of worms. Sticking to the Zen like a fly on fly paper.
So the cops and Jungledad stand outside and stare at the engine, all 3 admitting that they knew nothing about cars, and all 3 looking like they are really enjoying staring at the engine. I have noticed this behavior before in men. I had this crazy job once in the middle of nowhere in Ireland, and my friend Tony’s Land Rover broke and about 12 dudes just stood there staring at the engine for days, happy as clams. But I digress…
We got the engine started again eventually, and after running several red lights and stop signs managed to limp into the dealership/repair shop just before it died again. It was all very dramatic. The peeps at the dealership apologized profusely, as we had just brought the SUV to the shop TWICE complaining that it was overheating and making weird noises, and they kept sending us home saying they couldn’t find anything wrong. Anyway, they were kind of expecting us to lose our shiz, since we’ve had this car less than a year and we’ve been to the repair shop like 6 times. Normally, I would lose my shiz. We coulda died out there. Coulda got stuck out in the desert, eaten by mongooses! But for some reason, I was all Zen. Is someone slipping Zoloft in my mango juice?
Anyway, many apologies, a promise to switcheroo the car for another if it couldn’t be totally fixed once and for all, and a heavily discounted rental car later, we were back on the road. 2+ hour delays are not ideal when travelling with tots. Girls got fussy, some stressful moments, a sunset dash to Walmart for pack n plays when the resort turned out not to have any, all added tension.
BUT
Then it was wonderful wonderful wonderful. Huge lovely condo at a resort. Big fun swimming pool and kiddie pool that the girls loved. A short drive to 3 lovely beaches, one of which had a huge coral reef in shallow water. Yellows tangs darting through our legs, babies squealing, it was so damn great. We played in the sand, chased the waves, baked cookies, made pizza and mac n cheese, tossed babies in and out of water. We all had a blast. Yea, we lost the first day due to the travel delays, but that seemed to make the second day even better. The weather was gorgeous, the babies were happy. Who could ask for more?
Kind of eating my words on the resort thing, I admit it. I’ve never been a resort girl. I’ve always found them artificial and creepy. And yes, I did do some serious smack talking about a super fancy and famous resort on the island (waaaaaay fancier then the resort I just went to). But in my own defense, my dander was up because of an encounter with a mean woman by the pool. Also, the girls were a lot younger and refused to play ball, and I had ZERO help with them because this was a “work” trip. We weren’t there for vacation. We were there so Jungledad could be brainwashed by an organization banned by the French government.
Yea, I know. My life is weird. But sometimes its wonderful 
On further review, however, we decided that the real ticket would be for us to wear full body velcro suits. That way, the babies could cling to us like little sloths, and we could walk around town and go about our business. Right?
