No, I’m not getting one, or have any desire to get one, but a heck of a lot of people I know are, and it’s really freaking me out. Is it just me, or are more young couples getting divorced these days?
I know of a great many, and I don’t even know that many people. They’re everywhere- East Coast, West Coast, England, remote Pacific islands, etc. It irks me for multiple reasons: 1) I hate to see people I care about unhappy 2) I’m a child of divorce, and divorce SUCKS for everyone 3) I have no common thread to tie them together; no link between all the couples that explains the phenomenon. In fact, I’m starting to think the lack of thread is the common thread, if that even makes sense. For example, none of the couples I’m thinking of have children, none of them married quickly without really knowing the other- they all dated for years. None married very young- all were in there 30s. None are splitting because of infidelity. All the usual suspects have been eliminated, leaving me with the question- Why the hell couldn’t they make it work?
I don’t mean to be insensitive, or to suggest that all marriages can or should be saved. I can’t possibly know what’s going on in another person’s marriage and probably shouldn’t speculate. What bothers me is that it seems to be happening so damn often these days, and I think that sometimes- yes, sometimes- people do give up too easily. There’s seems to be a worrisome “if you’re not happy, leave” idea going around. I say- if you’re unhappy, do something to change it, get to work on those issues, but don’t go running out the door. Unless you’re being abused- then run like hell.
One of my favorite Elliott Smith songs has this great line, “I can make you satisfied in everything you do.” I love it because it’s so preposterous. No person or thing can make any of us satisfied in everything we do. In fact, the people we love, and the things we do, like careers and parenting, the things that matter to us most, are the very things that frustrate us the most. That often leave us deeply unsatisfied, and sometimes unhappy. Because we care about them. I love marriage, and I love parenting (especially multiples!), but both are hard work. I know my fellow Mommy bloggers realize that, but I’m starting to think the outside world may not.
Then again, maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe it’s only the couples I know getting divorced, and there’s no worldwide epidemic going on. So tell me- is anyone else out there surrounded by divorce, or is it just me?